Thursday, December 16, 2010


  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
  • If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
  • I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
  • If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
  • Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
  • What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
  • I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
  • I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals.
  • I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
  • Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
  • How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
  • VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
  • If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
  • You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  • Clones are people two.
  • If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
  • If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
  • Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  • How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
  • The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
  • Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
  • At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
  • Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
  • A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
  • Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
  • Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
  • After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
  • A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
  • When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
  • Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

No comments:

Post a Comment