YO MAMMA SO UGLY

• when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
• just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
• they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
• instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
• she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
• when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras
• her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
• the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
• that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
• she made an onion cry.
• when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . . . for a quote!
• she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
• she looks out the window and gets arrested!
• even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
• Ted Danson wouldn't date her!
• for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
• she turned Medusa to stone!
• people go as her for Halloween.
• she scares the roaches away.
• I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
• that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
• she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow
• she has to sneak up on a glass of water