Do You Have a Vagina?

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.

He asks the lady, 'Do you have a vagina?'

She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman, 'Do you have a vagina?'

She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days.

The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice
'Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.'

The next morning they hear a knock and both run for the door.

The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice, 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is going with it.'

She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question; 'Do you have vagina'?

'Yes, actually I have,' she says.

The man replies..

'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?'

A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy on a flight

A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy on a flight...…

The lady said to him 'Can you help me remove something from my breast please?'

The excited young man replied, 'Wow! It will be my pleasure....... So what is it?'

"Your Eyes, idiot!"

Dedicated to all mothers'

Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Kumar said,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Kumar

A few days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother, which read

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow...
Love, Mom

An 18 year old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months

An 18 year old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know! "The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.

A matured and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shot gun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him. "You can try again..."

The Magic Wand

Fred had been divorced twice after his wives cheated on him, so he decided the only way to get a faithful wife was to marry someone who knew nothing of sex. He meant nothing! He moved to the mountains and

found himself a simple, innocent girl and married her.

On their wedding night, he told her about his "magic wand," and how no one else in the entire world had one. Sure enough, she was enraptured with the "magic" feelings it brought her. She and Fred were very happy.

But Fred needed to make a living, so he had to go out of town on a business trip. His innocent wife knew only he had a "magic wand," so he left feeling safe.

When he got home, he could tell there was something different about his wife, she was ready to confront him. "You told me you were the only man in the world with a magic wand," she said.

"Yes..." he started to answer.

"But I found out that Jerry has a magic wand too!" she said, clearly upset.

"Well, yeah," he stammered. "Jerry is my best friend, and I had two magic wands, so I thought I should give him one of them."

With that, she burst in to tears. "What's wrong?" Fred asked, perplexed.

"Well,," she said through her sobs, "but why did you have to give him the *good* one?!"

Don't Disgrace your Family

A young Chinese Girl going on her 1st Date. Her mother warned her: First he kisses your cheek; then he'll kiss your breasts, you'll enjoy; then he wants to go on top..... You must not allow it so as not to disgrace our family name.

Next day Girl told Mom: Everything happened exactly as you predicted. I didn't allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgraced his family.

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.

One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror,

she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My

husband's home early!"

"I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.

"He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your

problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out

the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly

discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual

marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of

them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to

blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of

runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.

"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"

Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your

clothes with you under your arm?"

"Oh, yes." our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get

dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, "Do you

always wear a condom when you run?"

"Nope, just when it's raining."

Seven Kinds Of Sex ....

The 1st kind of sex is called ... Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet
someone and you both have sex until you are
blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called ... Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have Sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called ... Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called ... Hallway Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say ... 'F**k You.'

The 5th kind of sex is called ... Religious Sex.
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called ... Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife/husband any more. She/he
takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And . Last ... But not least ...

The 7th kind of sex is called ... Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy your self.

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN.

I have enough problems of my own !!!

What do u think

Wife to Husband:

"Come Help Me in Garden.."

Husband:

"Wat do U think I am? A Gardener??" :O

Wife:

"Come Fix the Toilet Faucet..!"

Husband:

What do U Think I am? A Plumber??" :O

Wife:

"Come fix the Door Handle.."

Husband:

What do U Think I am? A Carpenter?? :O

[The Husband Went Out but When He came Back,

He Saw that Everything was Fixed..!

The Garden, Toilet Faucet & the Door Handle..!]

He Asked his Wife Who did It??

The Wife Said:

"Its the Neighbor's Pintu's Father,

But He gave Me two Options...

Either to Make Him a Burger;

Or have A Kiss With Him..!"

Husband:

I'm Sure, U gave Him a Burger..! :))

Wife:

"What do U Think I am?

'Mc'Donalds' !!!

Sex on the Sabbath . . .

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a Priest and asks for his opinion on this question.

After consulting the Bible, the Priest says, 'My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays.'

The man thinks: 'What does a priest know about sex?' So he goes to a Minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the Minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge.

In other words, he goes to a Rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, 'My son, sex is definitely play.' The man replies, 'Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?'

The Rabbi softly speaks, 'If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it.'

Elderly sex

One night, an 87 year-old woman
Came home from Bingo and found
Her 92 year-old husband
In bed with another woman.
She became violent and ended up pushing him
Off the balcony of their 20th floor,
Assisted living apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court
On the charge of murder,
The judge asked her if she had
Anything to say in her defense.
She began coolly, 'Yes, your honor.
I figured that at 92,
If he could have sex...
He could also fly.'

Women's Humorous Sex

My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly
And said, 'This will make you happy tonight.'
He was right!
When he went out of the bedroom,
I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
He couldn't get back in.

Wedding anniversary sex

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel
On the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.
The husband yelled, 'When you die, I'm getting
You a headstone that reads:

'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'.'
'Yeah,' she replies, 'when you die,
I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'

Confounded sex

A man was in a terrible accident,
And his 'manhood'
Was mangled and torn from his body.
His doctor assured him that modern medicine
Could give him back his manhood,
But that his insurance wouldn't cover the
Surgery since it was considered cosmetic.

The doctor said the cost would be
$3,500 for 'small,
$6,500 for 'medium,
And $14,000 for 'large.'

The man was sure he would Want a medium or large,
But the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife

Before he made any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone
And explained their options.

The doctor came back into the room,
And found the man looking dejected.

'Well, what have the two of you decided?'
Asked the doctor.

'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'

Quiet sex

Tired of a listless sex life,
The man came right out and asked his wife
During a recent lovemaking session,
'How come you never tell me
When you have an orgasm?'
She glanced at him and replied,
'You're never home!'

Loud sex

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, 'I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed And my husband climaxes, He lets out this ear splitting yell.'

'My dear,' the shrink said, 'that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.'

'The problem is,' she complained, 'it wakes me up!'

Sex Pension

Two men were talking.
'So, how's your sex life?'
'Oh, nothing special.
I'm having Pension sex.'
'Pension sex?'
'Yeah, you know;
I get a little each month,
But not enough to live on!'

:)

- Name?
- Abu Dalah Sarafi.
- Sex?
- Four times a week.
- No, no, no..... male or female?
- Male, female...... sometimes camel.......