A doctor says to his patient

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.

“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.

The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”

“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”

The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

This woman rushed to see her doctor

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”

The Gynecologist

At her daughter's urging, Mrs. Ginsberg, age 75, went to see a gynecologist for the first time in her life. She answered the nurse's questions and then was asked to step behind a screen and remove her clothes so Dr. Kaplan could examine her.

At some point during the examination, Mrs. Ginsberg said, “Excuse me, Doctor. Can I ask you a question?”

“Certainly,” the doctor replied.

“Tell me,” she said. “Your mother knows that from this you make a living?”