Who is Dumber

Three Hillbillies are sitting on their porch in Illinois. One says; Boy is my wife dumb. She's so stupid that she went shopping today and bought an air-conditioner. Hell, we ain't got electricity!

The others laugh. Then the other guy says; ah that ain't nothing, my wife's dumber than that! She went shopping yesterday and had a washing machine delivered. They all laughed and laughed, why nobody around here has plumbing!

The third Hillbilly said; well, I reckon my woman's got to be the dumbest. Just this morning I was looking in her purse for some change and found six rubbers. Hell, she ain't got no dick!

Who is Jack Schitt

The lineage revealed:

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Soon you will be able to handle this situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner in law firm, Knee, Deep & Schitt.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie, the twins Deep and Dip, Fulla, Giva and Bull Schitt. Against his parent's strong objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.

After being married for 15 years, Jack and Noe divorced. Noe Schitt married Mr. Scherlock and, because her kids were living with them, decided to keep her previous name,hence, she became known as Noe Schitt-Scherlock. Dip Schitt moved south and married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son and named him Chick Noe (after his grandmother) Schitt. He became known as Chick N. Schitt for short.

Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd, and Horse Schitt. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He returned with his new Italian bride, Pisa. Their only son, Tough Schitt, became a professional wrestler and later moved to Minnesota to pursue a career in politics.

Now when someone says that you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.

Who's the Boss

When the Lord made man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.

The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be boss.

The legs argued that since they took the man wherever he wanted to go, he should be boss.

The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss.

The eyes said that without them, man would be helpless, so they should be boss.

Then the ass hole applied for the job.

The other parts of the body laughed so hard that the asshole became mad and closed up.

After a few days the brain went foggy, the legs got wobbly, the stomach got ill, the eyes got crossed and unable to see.

They all conceded and made the ass hole boss. This proves that you don't have to be a brain to be boss.....

..........Just an ass hole.