Best Divorce Letter EVER!!!!

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.  I've been a good man to you for 27 years and I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.

You ate in 2 minutes and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER Carla & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Her letter:

Dear Ex -Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you and I have been married for 27 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much to try to

drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica , but when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

A man and a woman were involved in an accident

A man and a woman were involved in an accident in which they were each driving their own cars. Both of them were not hurt although their cars were completely crushed.

As they are walking away from the wreck the man looks over to see that the woman is very beautiful. The woman walks up to him and says, “It’s amazing that we survived with that damage to our cars. It has to be a sign that we were meant to be together.”

The man didn’t know what to make of it but decided to agree in the hopes for something better to come and replies, “I totally agree.”

The woman continues, “Even though my car is wrecked this wine I had is ok. We should toast to our love!”

“Great,” said the man who decided to go with the moment. She gave him the bottle and in a second he drinks half of it before handing it back to her.

“No thank you,” she says, “I think I will wait for the police to come.”

Why do we sometimes write 'etc' at the end in the exam?

Why do we sometimes write 'etc' at the end in the exam?

bcoz it means...

E-End of

T-thinking

C-capacity.

Don't Disgrace your Family

A young Chinese Girl going on her 1st Date. Her mother warned her: First he kisses your cheek; then he'll kiss your breasts, you'll enjoy; then he wants to go on top..... You must not allow it so as not to disgrace our family name.

Next day Girl told Mom: Everything happened exactly as you predicted. I didn't allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgraced his family.

What do u think

Wife to Husband:

"Come Help Me in Garden.."

Husband:

"Wat do U think I am? A Gardener??" :O

Wife:

"Come Fix the Toilet Faucet..!"

Husband:

What do U Think I am? A Plumber??" :O

Wife:

"Come fix the Door Handle.."

Husband:

What do U Think I am? A Carpenter?? :O

[The Husband Went Out but When He came Back,

He Saw that Everything was Fixed..!

The Garden, Toilet Faucet & the Door Handle..!]

He Asked his Wife Who did It??

The Wife Said:

"Its the Neighbor's Pintu's Father,

But He gave Me two Options...

Either to Make Him a Burger;

Or have A Kiss With Him..!"

Husband:

I'm Sure, U gave Him a Burger..! :))

Wife:

"What do U Think I am?

'Mc'Donalds' !!!

The best years of my life

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"

Laughter and Applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

The wife went; "ahhhh!" with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"

By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing first degree burns from boiling cooking oil.

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!

Man + Woman

Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance

Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy

Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair

Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage

Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profits

Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production

Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion

Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime

A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she does not need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must love him a little and understand him a lot.

To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate overnight.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, but she does.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.